I have only been at this blogging thing for a few weeks. I keep asking myself why I am so drawn to it. There are probably a number of reasons. There is the obvious one of course -- it gives me a chance to keep track of thoughts and ideas. I also, quite simply, love written words. But I think the deeper motivation for my blogging is that it gives me a chance to explore and "soften" my thoughts.

I think I have mentioned this before but I am the type of person who likes to process things a bit before I talk. Unfortunately, in both social and business settings, this can often mean that the conversation has advanced to an entirely different place before I am even ready to say anything at all! That is sort of bad.

I guess I like to be careful in what I say. Over the years, I have said things that I later regretted. We all have, I am sure. For me, the reason for this goes sort of deep though. I am not saying this in a mean way but, fact is, I have spent much of my life with someone who can easily and quickly explode into an irrational fit of anger if you say what he perceives at that particular moment to be the "wrong" thing. While I might try to justify my being quiet on this and justify my behavior by saying that we are all shaped by our pasts, I know that it is ridiculous to let my past, or others and things outside me, control my present. Fact is, this is some of the baggage that I carry around. Baggage that, through God's transformation in my life, I need to simply leave by the wayside and just move on.

But blogging does provide me with the opportunity for reflection. If I am writing about something personal going on in my life, blogging is a way to get my thoughts out but I can do so through a vehicle which allows me to take a close look at them and soften them a bit if God calls me to do so. Oftentimes, my initial reactions and thoughts can be too harsh. If you're reading my blog, you may not realize this but sometimes I go back and change my posts even after I have published them ... sometimes I don't give things enough thought before I click "Publish Post" and then, a few days later after a bit of processing, I see the need to make some changes, usually to soften things.

I don't really think that blogging is "therapy" for me but, rather, it is "practice" for me as I work toward improving my communication skills -- both my clarity and to make sure that my words are pleasing to God. It provides me that opportunity for self-analysis to ensure that my thoughts are in check and where they need to be if I am going to walk this walk of life full in and with God rather than keep one foot (or less) with Him and one foot (or more) with my own humanness.