I tend to avoid conflict. There are reasons for that, and I know what they are, but knowing the reasons for it doesn't mean that I don't still struggle with it. If I am upset with someone or a situation, I will usually keep quiet, let time pass, hope that I can muster up every bit of grace I can, and move on.

I have a couple of good friends, though, who can face conflict and confront people or situations in a very matter-of-fact way but yet still with a huge amount of grace. Being a slow learner, it has taken me awhile to figure out how they do this but I have finally figured it out.

When they confront someone, they do not start with "I'm upset about ..." or "You really hurt me when ..." or "Boy, that makes me angry." Instead they will calmly start a confrontation with something along the lines of "I'm sort of confused about something. Can you help me understand why ..." and then they explain very matter-of-factly why their shorts are in a bunch.

It's simple, non-accusatory, and it shows your willingness and desire to see things from their perspective. But, most of all, if I can just remember to do it, it will allow me to confront people or situations in a way that is very peaceful and comfortable for me ... the king of conflict avoidance.