Here is a great list of funny English mistranslations seen around the world. My comments are shown in italics.

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. (Oops, I already read it.)

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. (That makes sense.)

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. (If I had a dime for everytime I've heard that.)

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. (That sounds like a fun elevator.)

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. (I hope everyone has their passport with them.)

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. (That's got to be one interesting front desk.)

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. (I'm glad she'll be pleasant as she does it.)

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. (I assume this means I don't need to leave a tip?)

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. (Darn, it is Thursday today!)

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. (Well, that's good. I had no intention of perambulating. Not even sure what it means in fact.)

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. (Been there (just kidding).)

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. (Sounds a bit like Tennessee to me.)

In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. (And if I refuse?)

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. (I think I'll stay downstairs, thank you very much.)

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. (I'd hate to have the job of "Rotater".)

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. (Okay, this one could be accurate.)

In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. (This reminds me of the Big Four bridge in Sidney, Ohio.)

In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter. (And he'll be the one holding the can of gasoline?)

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. (I'm at a loss on this one.)

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. (Well, that's good because I don't want some old person taking out my teeth.)

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. (And don't worry about your clothes -- we'll take good care of them!)

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? (Well, now that you ask, that is pretty much what I had in mind.)

In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. (Ewww. I thought it was France where the women were furry.)

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. (But does it keep good time?)

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. (That sort of sounds like the directions Lisa give me when she's reading the map. (Just kidding!))

In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today -- no ice cream. (Darn!)

In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts. (I'm sorry ... that one was really to naughty for me to include but it's soo funny!)

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. (I think I flew them home from Milan once.)

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. (This one could be accurate, too.)

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. (And who is going to enforce that one?)

At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. (I'd like his job, please.)

In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. (I'm not touching this one with a ten foot pole.)

In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. (Yummy!)

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. (A good lesson for all of us.)

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. (heehee)