Now, you have to understand, I am not a good one for long drives to begin with. Especially when feeling mentally and physically pretty exhausted from three and a half days of almost non-stop meetings including several technical meetings involving things so far over my head it isn't even funny ... but yet being in a leadership role in the organization, people are always looking to me for magical answers to which I usually reply, "Oh, did you say something?"
In the late afternoon, as I was getting closer to home, I called Lisa at work to let her know where I was and when I should be home. I asked the receptionist for Lisa and she said "Is this Mr. Miller by any chance?" Taken back a bit, I answered affirmatively. "Oh, I have been praying for you all afternoon," she said. "Lisa told me you were driving home and not feeling well. So, I have been praying that you'd feel better, stay awake on your drive, and be able to make it home safely."
"Well, thank you," I said. "That is so nice of you. I think your prayers worked because I am feeling better than I was and I will be home before too terribly long."
I really was pretty taken aback by what she told me. You see, all afternoon, my only thoughts had been of my "self" ... how I needed to suck it up and tough out this ride home. How I could do it! I may have said a quick prayer or two but by and large I was doing nothing but relying on my "self" to make it home safely.
The recepionist, though, brought me back to reality -- reminding me that God is in control. That I am nothing without Him. That He would be the one to get me home safely -- not my "self". It's a shame that I needed that reminder but it is part of the shape I am in right now ... part of where I am trying to grow from as I realize and live out total dependence upon God.