Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jerusalem. As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him. He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, "Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?"

"Who are you, Lord?" Saul asked.

"I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting," he replied. "Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do."

The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything.

In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!"

"Yes, Lord," he answered.

The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight."

"Lord," Ananias answered, "I have heard many reports about this man and all the harm he has done to your saints in Jerusalem. And he has come here with authority from the chief priests to arrest all who call on your name."

But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."

Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, "Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit." Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul's eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, and after taking some food, he regained his strength. (Acts 9:1-19, NIV)

The story goes that the scales in Saul's eyes were put there by God in this dramatic event. God knew it was going to take something pretty strong to reach the man He wanted as His servant. Of course, metaphorically, Saul of Taursus had scales in his eyes, his soul, and on his heart long before this event.

The resulting change in Saul was far, far greater than just a change in attitude or a realization of his potential. Paul never denied that life as a Christian isn't a journey but fact is it was a true transformation in Christ that Paul experienced when those scales fell. God may not strike us blind to prove the scales on our hearts but how often are we indeed blind to our potential in Christ?

I have been examining my life of the last couple of years and, as I look back, it seems like I have lost my confidence. I have been prone to turning things over to others, to taking a "wait and see" approach, to not being the kind of leader that I probably should be. Maybe it's just been an intensional dry season for me -- a time of learning and growth. But part of me eggs me on to know more. What has happened and how did it happen? Have I been shirking back and not always living up to be the man I am called to be? Do I need to start a fund for "Help Todd Get His Groove Back"?

As I have been tossing this around in my mind, I originally kept thinking about it in terms of it being a loss of confidence in my "self." During this period, I have so often felt not only uncertain of my abilities (which isn't an all bad thing as it teaches us to rely on God), but I have felt intimidated by others and by the world. But then, in thinking this through, I realized that the real problem has been a loss of keeping my confidence where it should be -- in God -- not in my "self." I would daresay that I have felt not only uncertain of my own abilities but uncertain of God's abilities, too. And that is how I lost my groove. (Sorry, I just added that line for dramatic effect.)

When I switch my confidence to myself, I become ineffective because I am weak. It is only in God where I am strong. That is where my confidence must lie.

"Through" or "To"?

During tough times and difficult times, I believe that I have been taking an approach of allowing God to lead me "through" things .. at least I hope I have ... but not "to" things. I have increasingly turned to Him only to help through the tough times and then I have taken back over with my "self" as soon as that hurdle was cleared. I need to seek His power and His direction not only "through" things but "to" things. That is how His work is accomplished.

How do you do that? How do you develop that confidence that He is there for all aspects and all times of your life? That He is there not just during the tough times but all times. That He is there for me not only in my personal life but in my business life. That He is there at all times and in all things.

How do you get there? Staying more in The Word is important. Praying more. Those are both good, but dying to myself is the important thing. Losing my "self" and gaining more of Him. It's an odd concept to deal with though, at least for me. Part of me fears that in the process of turning more to God, and gaining my confidence from Him, I could actually become more apathetic and more complacent to the things around me in this world. And, of course, it is my fear that I have already been too much that way. Somewhere there is that incredible point where our power -- our "groove" --is there in this world but it comes solely and entirely from God. That is what I seek hard after.

Fortunately, this is a journey ... growth occurs incrementally but it starts with having my confidence always in God -- not in my "self".

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. (I Corinthians 9:24, NIV) In other words, find your "groove" ... hold your confidence in God ... and run the race for Him.