Did you ever read a book which just seemed to spend all its time making a point when what you really wanted to jump to was the answer -- how to fix things? I have read before that, in many cases, women want to process and work through things whereas men are always seeking the "quick fix answer". That seems to be what men are often wired to do -- fix things.

That is a fault of mine.

I am sure that ultimately this crosses gender lines but I have read many times that it is often the root cause of a major disconnect between men and women.

Like I said, it is a fault of mine. I want to fix things.

I recently read "No More Christian Nice Guy" by Paul Coughlin and most of the book drove me nuts. He spends about 80% of the book explaining what a Christian Nice Guy (CNG) is and what the negative results of being a CNG will be. He explains the things in our childhood that can shape a man who is a CNG and he also explains how the contemporary church has tried to shape men to be CNGs.

I saw myself in a lot of this. Especially in the things from our childhood that can shape us to be a CNG. I did not see a lot of emphasis in our church on this.

But as I read this all, I just wanted the answer. I wanted the quick fix. I want to find the switch from being "nice" as Coughlin calls it to being "good," which he says is a preferable state.

It bothered me greatly that ultimately he didn't tell me where to find that switch from nice to good.

But it also made me think.

Coughlin paints the "nice" guy as being weak and ineffective ... afraid to confront fears, afraid to stand up for what he knows is right ... whereas the "good" guy sheds those fears and better lives into being the man God calls him to be.

Ultimately, I still struggle with the differentiation. I want to be both "nice" and "good". Or I want to rename the "nice" guy to be the "ineffective" guy and the "good" guy to be the "effective" guy.

Maybe I am trying to avoid the truth but I just don't see the cut and dry difference between "nice" and "good" that Coughlin sees. I think that God calls us to be nice and gentle and caring but ultimately, certainly, He calls us to be effective. He calls us to be forceful when we must be and firm with the Truth we know, but yet "niceness" can help guide how we do this (in my opinion).

Guys -- I am not saying to "not" read this book. In fact, I would love to hear others' takes on it. It was just that the book fell sort of flat for me by not giving a clear cut path from "nice" to "good" and ultimately that left me really second-guessing the very validity of his premise.