I have been thinking of saying that I was never going to post again until my friend Mikey K posts again in his blog but I've caved and am posting anyway.

Don't we all sometimes wonder why we're here? I guess that, as Christians, we're not truly taking seriously our call to determine and follow God's will for our lives if we don't occasionally wonder why in the world we're here.

I went for a walk by myself a couple of days ago over my lunch hour and, while it was not an event of falling to my knees, grasping my head, and crying out to God, I did pose a question to Him as I was walking ... I asked God what His purpose was for putting me here ... what He wants me to be doing for Him at this time. It was weird but the answer came back to me very clearly ... it was that, in my lifetime, He will give me all kinds of opportunities to show His peace and His love to others, and that is what He wants me to do. I sensed Him telling me that He has equipped me for that purpose and that, for now, that's all I need to know. Wow. It seemed pretty simple ... until I really thought about it.

I have, in the past few years, developed an ability to remain pretty calm and collected in most situations. It may be partially due to the Chronic Fatigue I suffer from which always makes my eyelids just slightly above being fully closed but I think it goes beyond that. Additionally, I generally have great empathy for others and I can see their side of things. Those things seem to go with sharing God's love and peace.

But, do you see a problem with what I just wrote? I sure do! The problem is that I kept referring to various qualities as things that "I" have ... giving myself the credit for them. That is so very wrong as I think about it. There is no credit due to me. If I am to show God's love and peace to others, then it must be all about Him. He must reside in me in a way which allows those things to flow freely from me. Any gifts I have are due entirely to Him.

I can show peace and love to others but, if I do it in a way that reflects on me rather than on Him, then that simply isn't right. People will never see Him in me if I am showing them the "me" in me. I must give God the glory, praise, and credit for His work in and through me ... the selfish notion that "I" have anything to do with it only destroys the message of God's love and grace.

Maintaining consistency in embodying peace and love can also be a problem for me. I know that is because there is too much "me" in it. And, of course, there's a big problem with being inconsistent in showng God's love; the hypocrisy of your actions and words leaves you open as a rightfully easy target for criticism. God's message is completely destroyed when I run hot and cold, changing back and forth between my selfishness and His living through me.

By living my life in a way which sacrifices the "me" in favor of God, showing His love and peace will be more consistent and constant for me rather than something I consciously have to do. God never changes and Him living in me will bring that crucial consistency.

This is a great example of how I need to be less in order that He will be greater. Giving up my "self" is not easy but it is what I want so desparately.

I am going to share the words of Bebo Norman's song "Yes I Will" below ... just because they seem appropriate.

In the passion of Your sacrifice
I saw the prophecy fulfilled
Healer of the world, the wounded cry
I heard You say come follow me
So I will, yes I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill (I will follow You)
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord (follow You)
I will, yes I will

On the sacred path, You bled for us
Scored and broken, up that hill
Terrible the cross, how glorious
I heard You say, come follow me
So I will, yes I will

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill (I will follow You)
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord (follow You)
I will, yes I will

When I stumble in the darkness
Hear my weakness, when I'm fearing
(Hear me Jesus) Hear me Jesus when I call Your name
Oh help me Lord, Lord You help me Lord
Please help me Lord, Lord You help me Lord

Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill (I will follow You)
Follow You Jesus, all the way up that hill
To the cross where the river runs
Crimson even still, yes I will
Follow You Lord (follow You)
I will, yes I will

Help me Jesus, when I feel afraid