The following was written by Patrician Dunagan Matsen of Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. This is the second time in the past week or so where I have read about parents who refuse to treat their children as grown-ups and how the healing for that needs to start with the child, not the parent.


"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32, NIV).

As I reached for a second cookie, Daddy spoke to me from across the dining-room table. "Now, Pat, that's why you're having a hard time with your weight."

I looked past Daddy's head and out the basement window to the driveway where my husband and our young daughter were washing the car. With a familiar "nobody" feeling starting to close in around me again, I returned Mama's delicious chocolate-chip cookie to the platter. Then, seeking an escape, I gathered up the dirty plates and silverware and started into the kitchen. I prayed, "Lord, You know how hard I've been trying to lose these few extra pounds. I'm so tired of feeling like a little girl whenever I come home. I'm almost 30 years old!"

Leaning wearily against the sink, I put my hands into the warm, sudsy water, and remembered . . .

Last New Year's Eve, as I was praying about my yearly, personal-growth goals, the Lord put His finger on a weak area in my life-forgiveness. With the Holy Spirit's conviction, I prayed, "Lord, I have always felt overwhelmed in dealing with offenses. Whenever I get hurt, I hold those hurts and nurse the grudges. This year, Lord, my goal is to break out of this childish pattern and to learn how to forgive."

Several days after that prayer of commitment, I brought this matter before the Lord again. As I read Ephesians 4:32, "Be . . . tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you," (NASB) I received some insights into Jesus' forgiveness.

Christ's crucifiers did not ask for forgiveness. Yet, we read in Luke 23:34 that Jesus, without being asked, took the initiative, and while in His pain, He prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (NIV). Christ forgave unilaterally from the cross.

Reflecting on these insights, I felt hope and faith build within me. "Lord," I prayed, "I thank You that I am 'in Christ' because You died for my sins, even before I asked. And because of Your resurrection life within me, I have the authority to do the same toward those who hurt me. When offenses come, I choose to take up my own cross, and with a tender heart, to forgive."

At the sink I made that choice. Deliberately, I prayed, "Father, forgive Daddy because he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know that he hurt me."

I looked out the kitchen window to the clear, southwestern Kansas sky and breathed in the summer air. As release, renewal and joy replaced the pain, God's loving presence enveloped me as His affirmation resounded in my mind and heart: "Well done, good and faithful daughter!"

As I basked in a strong sense of belongingness, I heard footsteps behind me. Daddy's arms wrapped around my waist and his mustache tickled my cheek. Through my tenderhearted obedience, I had learned invaluable lessons in restoring broken relationships."


Prayer
Lord, we know that our sin against You is far greater than any offense that others may have caused us, but we still struggle to forgive. Teach us to see offenses from a new perspective this year so that we might avoid holding grudges and nursing our own hurt. May we instead release these concerns to Your care. Please help us to start the year by forgiving others. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.